? and the Mysterians: "96 Tears"

October 31, 1966 (1 week)

One of the most fascinating albums in my collection is The Third Reich 'n Roll by oddball deconstructionists The Residents. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's something I like listening to a whole lot but I'm occasionally in the mood for it. (I'm much more of an Eskimo man myself) The Third Reich 'n Roll consists of a pair of medleys full of hits primarily from the sixties. It opens with Adolf Hitler impersonating Chubby Checker and it only gets weirder from there. Grotesque versions of "Land of a Thousand Dances", "A Horse with No Name" and "Light My Fire" are among many classics that are included. (There are also quite a few more that I can't even recognize)

Improving upon the originals is beyond the point but I think The Residents managed to pull it off with their admittedly brief snippet of "96 Tears". It comes early on the album's second side (titled "Hitler Was a Vegetarian"; the first side is known as "Swastikas on Parade") between a very impressionistic take on John Fred's "Judy in Disguise (with Glasses)" before folding into Lesely Gore's "It's My Party" presented in a manner as if sung by a bunch of drunken frat boys. (FYI, the two medleys include quite a few Canadian number ones) In a slurred, Louisiana drawl the vocalist sounds desperate and pleading and sickeningly so. But there's also room for some humour, something that the original lacks. Still, The Residents' "96 Tears" amounts to all of about forty-five seconds and it's quite likely that its charms would have worn off had a couple minutes been added to it. (Another, more substantial, cover was recorded in 1990 by British band The Stranglers but it doesn't measure up to some of their classic hits like "No More Heroes" or "Golden Brown"; it's a shame they didn't inject a little more menace into it)

"96 Tears" has been by described by some fans and critics as the first punk song. I'm always somewhat skeptical of such claims, just as I am about the way people like John Lennon and Keith Richards were labelled as "punks" in around 1977. (Hmm, I wonder why no one thought to describe them as such back in the sixties?) While there is some truth in this — garage rock is every bit as D.I.Y. as punk — I don't really see the point in anointing an after-the-fact genre upon it when there's already one that will suffice. I suspect that use of the term 'punk' is also meant to give extra weight: punk, as we all supposedly learn when we're around fifteen, means something. It has a message. All that crap.

Whatever you call it, "96 Tears" is surprisingly slow and plodding. Repetitive too. (Another thing it has in common with an awful lot of punk) Not very engaging either. (Jesus, this is just a laundry list of complaints, isn't it?)  And, once again, it tests my patience when it comes to those acid rock-style organs. That said, there's really not much to it beyond Frank Rodriguez's Vox Continental playing - and I don't mean that in terms of highlights of the song since you'd hardly notice a guitar playing throughout the damn thing.

? and the Mysterians — I'm still undecided whether it is one of the all-time greatest names for a band or an exercise in lameness, though it could very well be both — are often thought of as a one-hit wonder (and they certainly fit the criteria in Canada) and they won't be popping up in this blog again. The garage rock boom certainly produced its flashes of inspiration but just as often there were groups like this who probably shouldn't have left the suburbs from whence they came. You can be a hard-working, ceaselessly touring band but if your songs can't hold my attention at least up to and including the first run through of the chorus then what do I care about them? We can knock manufactured pop all we want but at least they typically have the tunes to back them up. Speaking of which...

Score: 3