1961: The Shadows; Jørgen Ingmann
1973: Incredible Bongo Band
1981: The Sugarhill Gang
The above is a very rough, very incomplete timeline of "Apache". To be sure, it has been done by plenty of others as well. Hot Butter chose to follow their influential and catchy hit "Popcorn" with a very uninspiring version of their own and I'm sure virtually everyone has done it at some point. (I must say, though, I was disappointed to discover that the Canadian Brass never seem to have tried their hand at it, the bloody stuffed shirts)
But it is the five acts above who took turns transforming "Apache". Bert Weedon's original is surprisingly group-focused with star turns from his drummer and whomever appeared on flute. First try and it's already a masterpiece. The Shadows couldn't quite live up to Weedon's standard but their rendition is tight and tough, an ideal demonstration of why Cliff Richard's backing band was for a time the finest foursome in music after the Modern Jazz Quartet. Skipping ahead a bit, the Incredible Bongo Band's cover is admittedly gimmicky but it's still what they used to call a "gas": there may be better "Apaches" out there but none of them are as much fun. Finally, there's The Sugarhill Gang. By this point, "Apache" had been altered so much that it can scarcely even be considered the same song but that recognizable tune is definitely in there so let's include it too.
Props to all of them for trying but none of them manage to come all that close to Jørgen Ingmann's incredible interpretation from 1961. Amusingly credited to 'Jorgen Ingmann and His Guitar' (and it's hard to say which of the two is doing the heavy lifting; I like to think they both did their part), it is sparse yet chock full of activity. While it's nice to think that the Danish ax wizard managed to play it all in one take, there's little doubt that he did some over-dubbing. In fact, his "Apache" is as much a triumph of studio trickery as it is Ingmann's virtuosity. (The Ventures recorded a credible, if unremarkable, version for their 1963 album The Ventures Play Telstar and Lonely Bull and you can hear Ingmann's influence much more on the production side of things than on the actual playing)
With The Shadows having already taken "Apache" to number one in the UK, it's startling to think that what practically amounts to studio experimentation would be the one that ended up taking off in North America. Cliff Richard, who has always been prickly about his relative lack of success in the new world, sniffed that Ingmann's version was just a "cover job" even though he added a few "tricky bits" (way to heap on the praise there, Cliff). This claim is absurd but I will say that one of those singles has obvious commercial potential and it sure as shit isn't the one featuring a Dane fooling around on his guitar. Good old fashioned luck and timing likely aided putting Ingmann over the top but in the end Americans and Canadians went with the right one. ("Apache" made it all the way to number two on the Hot 100 with only The Marcel's "Blue Moon" — a song we'll be getting to soon enough — getting in its way)
I was going to argue that "Apache" is a grower but that implies a negative reaction the first time its heard which isn't the case at all. Rather, it builds with each subsequent listen. At first, it's a curiosity: yeah, it's clearly an achievement but shouldn't there be more to it than just a masterclass in guitar technique? But then it evokes the childhood wonder of discovering stringed instruments for the first time: I was seven or eight the first time I ever held a guitar and I wasn't interested in playing it, I was keen to play with it. Tapping the body, plucking the tight strings on the headstock, trying to get the wackiest sounds out of it. After a couple more plays it brings back memories of the first guy I knew in high school who could seriously play the guitar. While the rest of us were attempting to studiously copy our musical heroes, this friend of a friend was off in his own world, playing like no one we had heard before. Finally, it's oddly sneaky as well, like the first time I really listened to Chic's "Savoire faire" (the B-side to their massive hit "Le Freak", which we'll also be getting to in good time) and realized it was a mind-blowing tour-de-force on the part of guitarist Nile Rodgers — who I would be willing to bet is a huge fan of "Apache". The dynamics are such that it can't possibly continue and yet it just keeps going and going.
As I say, the five major versions of "Apache" deserve all the praise they've received over the years, as well as the financial rewards they've all enjoyed. Then there's the not inconsiderable influence they've all had. Hopefully even to this day there are youngsters who will be exposed to it — either for the the benefit of their tastes in music or for their growth as students of the guitar. Weeds, Shads, Bongos, Sugars, they're all great and should be listened to, learned from and danced around to for decades to come. But even in a world full of "Apaches" there's only one that you shouldn't be without. There's simply nothing else like it.
Score: 10 (with unofficial scores of 9, 7, 8 and 7 for Bert Weedon, The Shadows, Incredible Bongo Band and The Sugarhill Gang respectively)
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