Andy Stewart: "Donald, Where's Your Troosers?"

March 6, 1961 (1 week)

It really ought to take someone special to be able to replace themselves at number one. Though it had occurred prior to the establishment of the Hot 100, Elvis Presley was the first person in the rock 'n' roll era to pull it off when the mighty double A-side "Don't Be Cruel" / "Hound Dog" was overtaken by the nearly as great "Love Me Tender". The Beatles did one better by having three chart toppers on the bounce with "I Want to Hold Your Hand", "She Loves You" and "Can't Buy Me Love" during their dominant run in the first half of 1964. The Fab Four also became the first act to replace themselves at the top in their native Britain, with the feat not happening again until the devastating aftermath of John Lennon's murder (it has become a little more common in the twenty-first century now that hardly anyone bothers paying for music anymore; it helps, too, that spending ten or more weeks at the top is not longer a rarity so artists have plenty of time to put out follow-up usurpers).

Yet, it was Andy Stewart of all people who was the first to pull the same trick on Canada's CHUM charts. After three weeks of "A Scottish Soldier" on top, the Canadian public opted for the cheerful "humour" of novelty song "Donald, Where's Your Troosers?", perhaps as supposed light relief. Originally released in 1960, it was ignored until its follow up helped bring it back from the dead. A tartan revolution in pop had begun and this was a decade in advance of the Bay City Rollers. Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Andy Stewart: one of them is not like the others.

I grew to find "A Scottish Soldier" to be just about tolerable but the same cannot be said for "Donald, Where's Your Troosers?". Stewart's brogue takes some getting used to but if used on something worthwhile, I can accept it. On here, however, the singer in his mid-twenties who looks like Rick Astley's goofy older brother with a secret gambling addiction is suddenly transformed into a seventy-three year old Scot who can't stop moaning about everything. Well done, I suppose, for doing a convincing turn as an elderly Scots git but the sound is rubbish.

Things do not get off to a promising start and only get worse from there. Forty seconds in and I've already had enough of this crap. Coming from an era when the two-minute pop song was still the norm, its three-and-a-quarter minutes is agonizing to get through. As if sensing that even his fans were getting restless, he ventures down to London and does a shocked upper class reading of the line "Donald, where's your troosers?". Before long, he grudgingly admits that his Highlands twang isn't going to appeal to many outsiders and he begins impersonating Elvis. Oh my god, the comedy this man was capable of. Ninety seconds of Stewart hamming it up as the most Scottish person who ever lived is terrible enough but then to add on those horribly unfunny voices makes a bad thing that much worse.

One of the problems with "A Scottish Solider" is that it plays far too much into that "postcard" impression people have of Scotland. With "Donald, Where's Your Troosers" it's now more like a caricature of the country in which all the laziest stereotypes emerge. Tartan, bagpipes, even deep-fried Mars bars — which weren't even a thing back then — swirl around Oor Andy. Maybe there's something to making light of what a Scotsman wears under his kilt but this is the equivalent of a crass postcard depicting some old jock showing off his bare buttocks. Not funny and not pleasant — and not a part of the Scotland that I am fond of.

A fair number of Scots will eventually be featured in this space including the Bay City Rollers, Pilot, Sheena Easton and Simple Minds (though, surprisingly, not Donovan). None will come even close to overt Scottishness of Mr. Stewart here. In fact, the majority won't even seem especially Scottish. A trait shared by many acts in the eighties and nineties is that they tended to look to the United States for inspiration rather than down south towards hated England. While there were a few exceptions like Big Country and The Proclaimers, most seemed reticent to embrace their own culture in their music as well. Was it because of people like Andy Stewart? It's hard to say though I wouldn't blame them if that was indeed the case. Proud of your Scottish heritage? You don't need to release something this diabolical in order to prove it.

Score: 1

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Can Con

 

Ronnie Hawkins again??? Well, yeah. Who else is there? As I have already stated, I'm done with Paul Anka until I absolutely must deal with him again and there's no one else. (Underscoring this point, when was the last time I even did a Can Con segment?) And I'll happily discuss The Hawk at any chance I can get. This time it's with a cover of the Hank Williams classic "Cold, Cold Heart". Ronnie puts a good deal more passion into his rendition than the original which is a mixed blessing. The dry wit of the Williams original is sacrificed in favour of something that is easier to listen to. He may not have topped the so-called Hillbilly Shakespeare but he certainly did one of his finest songs justice. Dammit, why couldn't Ronnie Hawkins have had a number one in his adopted homeland? And, no, I'm not including a future charity hit which we'll be getting to at some point. For now, Rompin' Ronnie is still one of Canada's national treasures for bringing southern American music up north. All hail!