The Wonder Who?: "Don't Think Twice"

December 20, 1965 (1 week)

Taking a look at acts with the most Canadian number ones on both the CHUM and RPM charts up to this point, Elvis Presley still has a commanding lead with seventeen chart toppers. In a distant second but coming on strong are The Beatles with eight. Right below them are The Four Seasons with a very impressive seven. Beyond that, no one else has more than three number ones, though this would soon begin to change.

Up until now, they've been solid. Not all have been brilliant but at worst I've been indifferent to them. "Sherry" is excellent while follow-up "Big Girls Don't Cry" is just all right, more of the same but not nearly as good. Their third number one, "Walk Like a Man", seemed to get them back on course which led them to their two finest singles to date, "Rag Doll" and "Save It for Me". Sure, "Bye, Bye, Baby (Baby, Goodbye)" was a considerable step in the wrong direction but it's not so bad considering it's their least impressive 45 to date.

On a technicality it still remains their worst since "Don't Think Twice" is credited to The Wonder Who?, a near one off name stemming from supposed contractual issues. Considering that Frankie Valli had been unhappy with his vocals during the sessions for a reported album of all Bob Dylan covers (which ended up being folded into the more compromised release The 4 Seasons Sing Big Hits by Burt Bachrach...Hal David...Bob Dylan), it's possible the use of a pseudonym was also to avoid embarrassment - and who can blame him?

To be as fair as possible, I do sort of like the idea of this. Dylan was already a revered figure (at least in some circles) so I appreciate the act of having some fun with one of his compositions while tearing down the mythology surrounding him. The Four Seasons The Wonder Who? weren't even alone in doing so in the late stages of 1965. The Beach Boys did a silly version of "The Times They Are a-Changin'" for their Beach Boys' Party! album which seemed to find the right balance between folk music righteousness and moronic frat boy frolics. A serious Al Jardine takes the lead vocal while everyone else (as well as a few female companions by the sound of it) has a laugh with it. Were the likes of Mike Love and Dennis Wilson deliberately trying to sabotage such a serious and important song? Perhaps but their behaviour throughout the Party! sessions indicates that every song they had tried out had been fair game for mockery. (And, honestly, there are plenty of Bob Dylan songs to take the mickey out of — in addition to "The Times They Are a-Changin'", there's "Blowin' in the Wind", "A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall" and all those stream-of-conscious works that seem like drivel half the time; by contrast, "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" is mature beyond Dylan's tender years — he was just twenty-one at the time he recorded it for The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan — and it seems like poor taste to have a go at such a thoughtful song, especially when, as I say, there are more obvious targets out there)

Hopefully Valli and his chums had a good time recording "Don't Think Twice" but the fun vibes fail to rub off on the listener — or this one at any rate. Tom Breihan's reviews of early Four Seasons' Hot 100 chart toppers indicate that he has little patience for Valli's glass-cutting soprano but his wailing on "Sherry" is nothing compared to "Don't Think Twice". It's actually kind of impressive that he's able to twist his vocal range to such a register but having to listen to it is torturous. Whatsmore, the other members of the band aren't able to rescue it either. While Valli's voice isn't to everyone's taste, those tremendous block harmonies could always be relied upon to justify the existence of even the most mundane Four Seasons' numbers. Yet here all they're capable of is what you might get from a group of stiffs who have been cajoled into an all-male chorus and are in suitably wooden. (The remainder of their Dylan covers are more straightforward but no less uninspired)

Up until now, the CHUM/RPM chart toppers that have received the lowest possible score from me are by some of the most hopeless acts imaginable. Sheb Wooley, David Seville and the Chipmunks, Anita bloody Bryant, Andy Stewart, Bobby bloody Vinton: a murderer's row of crap. People whose best work is still the shits. But now for the first time we have what had once been a genuinely outstanding pop group descending into such pitiful depths. There could well be more dramatic falls from grace as this blog goes forward — yes, I'm looking at you, Jefferson Airplane-Jefferson Starship-Starship — but you never forget your first. Bad as "Don't Think Twice" is, it's certainly not something I'm going to forget about anytime soon.

Score: 1