Charlie Drake: "My Boomerang Won't Come Back"

February 12, 1962 (1 week)

I've discussed my scoring methods elsewhere but I feel I ought to mention the handing out of 1's and 10's. These are the extremes and ought to be treated as such. While I might second guess say, a 6 when it could have merited either a 5 or 7, the 1's and 10's are those I don't question. "Mack the Knife" deserves full marks while "Donald, Where's Your Troosers" could've easily received a 0 had such a score been available. 

It is therefore a little surprising that I've so far handed out more 1's than 2's. To get the second lowest possible score is to still have something to justify its existence, a scrap of decency buried among so much mulch and manure that it's almost impossible to find. Thus, "Lollipop" has its cutesy POP! sound in the chorus and "The Three Bells" just about manages to evoke an isolated Alpine village. The same cannot be said for the likes of "The Purple People Eater", "Paper Roses" and "Johnny (bloody) Willow"

Charlie Drake's "My Boomerang Won't Come Back" certainly deserves to join the likes of Sheb Wooley, Anita Bryant and Fred Darian down there in the dregs but I'm going to defend it a bit. Not, mind you, enough to give it a respectable grade but just enough to pull it up from the very bottom. But before we do, let's get its two main failings out of the way first.

Most obviously, it's deeply offensive.Trading in tired old Australian stereotypes would be bad enough (there's a reason Men at Work's "Down Under" is so awful) but Charlie Drake being British makes it even more problematic. Let's just shove a bunch of horrid old colonialism in there, that'll make the people happy. As a Canadian, I've often felt a degree of jealousy towards Aussies for the fact that their country is more well known than mine. That said, I'm pleased that my homeland isn't subjected to such similar nonsense. On the other hand, Canadians took this crap all the way to number one, so they needn't be so smug — which, to be fair, they seldom are.

(For anyone who wishes to chime in with the old "it was a different time" nugget, it's worth noting that many were offended by it then too. The British version had to be altered after radio stations refused to have anything to do with it and further adjustments were made for its North American release)

The offensiveness would be a tad easier to swallow if it also wasn't so painfully unfunny. The fact that it has all the hallmarks straight out of novelty song hell affirms that it is indeed meant to be funny but the laughs miss by a mile. Sure, jokes aren't built to last but it's nevertheless difficult to detect any sign of what might have prompted even the slightest giggle all the way back in the early sixties.

These two elements should've qualified "My Boomerang Won't Come Back" for a place at the very bottom but for one small aspect that rescues it, albeit just barely: there's a bit of a tune tucked away in there. An enjoyably daft singalong perhaps, which is probably what Charlie Drake and songwriting partner Max Diamond had in mind all along. Had something worthwhile had been placed in the chorus and bridge ("I can ride a kangaroo (yeah, yeah)...") there might even have been a degree of hope for it.

The most notable aspect of "My Boomerang Won't Come Back" is that production duties were helmed by George Martin, an up and coming studio boffin who was still making a living on comedy records. While far too on the nose, his work here is solid and would come in handy in a few years time when he had the finest group in the world operating out of Abbey Road studios. But for now it was just light entertainment in all its pitiful "glory". Not the worst thing in the world but not all that far off either.

Score: 2