Pat Boone: "Moody River"

June 19, 1961 (2 weeks)

Much like Anita Bryant, going after Pat Boone is the low hanging fruit. Both of them have poisonous views on politics while their music was never all that great either. This marks them out from pro-gun knucklehead Ted Nugent or the (at times) homophobic Donna Summer: they recorded some great songs back in the day which makes attacking them trickier. The same goes for those whose politics may dovetail with my own but whose music doesn't really jive with me (these tend to be artists in folk and hip hop): in all honesty, I'd rather pay them no mind than doing them the disservice of trashing their work.

For all his ills, Pat Boone is not Anita bloody Bryant. The bigotry they both pushed in the name of Christianity may have made them similar but he had one advantage over her: he could actually sing. For sure, Boone ruined his fair share of previously excellent rock 'n' roll songs but when the material was as milquetoast as he was, he could be relied upon to record some pleasantly bland singles. Absolutely nothing worth listening to repeatedly but not irredeemably lousy either. This may not seem like much but it's the best one can say about him - and, frankly, more than he deserves.

And yet, there are some out there who seem to despise anything and everything even connected to Boone. I understand the impulse and there certainly are songs in his discography that are truly wretched but "Moody River" isn't one of them. Tom Breihan, in a very unkind review, argues that his nibs isn't able to tap into its tragic narrative nor the absurdity of how the suicide is depicted but I disagree at least as far as the latter point goes. The very fact that he reads it as straight laced as possible makes the whole tale that much more of a farce. Breihan correctly points out that this is a song that displays no understanding of suicide (something which, let's face it, not many would have had back in the early sixties) so wouldn't the church-going, whiter-than-rice Boone have been just the sort of individual to harness this utter lack of empathy? The tears streaming down his face as he sees his reflection in the river? No, I don't believe him one bit. But if he's trying to convince me that he doesn't care then he did a bang up job!

The original version of "Moody River" was done by someone called Chase Webster and it is poor. In every respect the Boone rendition is a significant upgrade: the vocals are better, the sound is crisper - the great Billy Vaughn, who previously came up on this blog, gave the song a passable arrangement — and even its distinctive — and, yes, repetitive — piano part is stronger. (Breihan reckons this riff is "irritating" but is it? I'd say it's probably the song's most attractive element) Everyone involved was a pro even when tackling substandard work. This seemed to be Boone's main strength as a vocalist: to take shitty songs and make them seem just about mediocre. It's a skill not many possess.

I'm pretty sure Pat Boone will not be coming up again in this space (though one of his daughters will unfortunately be along eventually) which makes me wonder if I made him out to be a better recording artist than he actually was. I didn't despise "Love Letters in the Sand" and I have slightly more time for "Moody River". Yet, these two CHUM chart toppers proved to be about as good as he got. Being able to improve upon crummy songs and being preferable to that horrid old Anita Bryant aren't high bars so it isn't much of a compliment to say he just barely cleared them. Well done, Pat: you're a much better pop star than you are a human being.

Score: 5