On both ends of the spectrum, I did consider going with the most extreme scores but careful consideration ruled any possibilities out (until now!). On the positive side, The Bobbettes' "Mr. Lee", Elvis Presley's "Jailhouse Rock" and The Everly Brothers' "All I Have to Do Is Dream" have so far come the closest to a 10. I seriously considered both the Bobbettes and the Everlys but Elvis' 9 came from deciding that it deserved more than the 8 I initially had it pegged for. On the other end, The Chordettes' "Lollipop" is so far the only 2. Again, I did think about going for the absolute lowest score but figured that there had to be worse options out there — and there are.
As I just recently suggested, I had not been looking forward to covering 1958's number ones because of its over-abundance of novelty hits. Yet, "Witch Doctor" proved to be a pleasant surprise. Sure, it got what is ultimately an indifferent score but my expectations had been low. I got to thinking that maybe all three of them will be hidden gems, that those hustlers from the fifties who shoveled out such shit had some creativity deep down. But my first listen to "The Purple People Eater" in over thirty years dispelled any such sense of optimism.
To describe it as dismal only scratches the surface. It's meant to be funny but isn't. (Sheb Wooley was "inspired" to compose it after hearing the old joke, Q: 'what had one eye, flies, has a horn and eats people?'; A: 'A one-eyed, one-horned, flying people eater'. It really is true what they say about comedy not aging well, isn't it?) It's supposed to be cute but isn't. It's trying to be a song for kids to singalong with but it's lacking in childish wonder. ("Lollipop" had been a lousy work but I was able to recollect the enjoyment we had as kids from the chorus and that popping sound but there's no similar fun to be found in "The Purple People Eater". It's possible that Mr. Dressup, a beloved Canadian kids show presented by the late Ernie Coombs, might have once done a routine based around the song but the real joy there would have been in seeing a national treasure prancing about in a ridiculous purple monster costume)
Yet, a steaming pile of shit can turn into dried-out, colourless dog poop you sometimes see in the park: you like it no more than you used to and you can't believe it has managed to stick around as long as it has. Somehow, it has become a Halloween song like "Monster Mash" or "Thriller" even though there's nothing scary about it and the only thing I would associate it with October 31st are those nasty molasses candies or Thrills gum, the crap that you never get round to consuming. It's also become the theme for Bastion, a supervillain I am unaware of from the X-Men '97 cartoon series on Disney+. According to Wikipedia, "The Purple People Eater" was "self-chosen". I did not know that Marvel animated characters are permitted to choose their own theme songs nor was I aware that they had theme songs. All that's stupid enough but for him to have picked this garbage and it's presumably meant to intimidate? I don't think we're dealing with a bad guy along the lines of Hela, Magneto or Thanos here, are we?
A 10 will come along eventually. I have a few earmarked for a full score but the first of them won't be for a little while yet. There is always the chance one will pop up before then but it will have to be a very pleasant surprise since I'm not anticipating any until we get a couple years into the sixties. As for the next 1, I have no idea. I haven't looked into it. Can't say it's something I'm looking forward to.
Score: 1
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